Hell in High Heels

Gerbras make the world go round

Wednesday, January 11, 2012: 0620


I am sooooo  ooooover this nausea crap!

I went to bed at 10pm last night with my anti-nausea wafer on board, for a good eight hours' of sleep. Hah! Up at midnight for the next dose of soluble Panadol, my favourite drink of the day. Back to toss and spit and gag till 2am, rising, for the back-up anti-nausea shot. Roll over with ice blocks to soothe my flaming mouth and hope I can garner a bit of repose. Up again at some ridiculous hour, 4am, for something probably not scheduled. Then 6am for more delicious Panadol and a little anti-nausea wafer. Can hardly wait for brekky....

Wish the sod in the back room would wake up and serve it to me. But then HE took it upon himself to dislodge a 30-year-old gold bridge in his mouth on Monday morning, didn't he? Of all bloody days to do that. GOD!!! Still, he was stoic, soldiering through the whole day-long 10-year-old birthday party, while eyeing off my morphine in the fridge. I'm visualizing my morphine in the fridge today. What a fine pair of 50-year-old parents, we are. No wonder 10AR, cries, "Oh my back, back spasm," any time she leans over to pick up something off the floor. Not that she does that too often.

A special BFF helped 10AR here

Wow, what a gringe! Not like me. I haven't felt this poorly for at least a week. Thankfully, I have a 12-step topic meeting at 10.30am today on the Foreshore down the road from home. It will be heavenly by the sea if a little warm. May have a breeze in the sunshine if we're lucky. Expecting a few new members to show up. Take some of 10AR's few remaining gorgeous cupcakes. I need the support of my fellow recovery mates more than ever, each and every day to keep me on the straight, narrow and flat.

Have had some wonderful emails this week. Lovely to have that connection. Saw Dr David, radiotherapist, yesterday. I am doing fine but he has run out of anti-nausea options for me because I take Lithium for my bi-polar disorder. Normally, they offer patients steroids to counter the constant sick feeling, but they may cause a toxic reaction with the Lithium. At least I have completed four weeks, he said. Three to go, so psychologically, that helped me feel a little better, passed the half-way mark. He said he would have a chat to Sid. Hopefully, they will have a solution for me today when I front up at 3pm.

I don't think I can tolerate another chemo. I will if I have to but I don't want to. I have had a gut full of this business and there are still three weeks to go. Chemo is booked for Monday, January 23. Please, please, God, remove it. Cross fingers. Pray for me, you all, please.

Scored this beautiful "discover your own style" manual at the Oncology Unit yesterday also. A Christmas present just meant for me. It is 2008 vintage but still beautiful  and untouched. I dived in for
nearly two hours after my session yesterday. Relaxing into it, I found myself to be mostly Sacred/Dramatic motivated. Not terribly revelational but interesting to see which words the writer uses to describe me so aptly. I look forward to further explorations into this book which may assist me in changing my career and steering me along new pathways in  this second half of my life, post 50, post Cancer, post Drama School, post whatever .... "Know Thyself, To thine own self be true!"

A sea of 10-pin bowlers 

10AR style!

Black Forest Torte!

10AR's birthday was a brilliant affair though it nearly polished off both her parents. Thank God, we had a host of troopers who were able to assist with the 10-pin Bowling. Despatch food and drinks, get bowling shoes to fit, golf clubs for the mini-golf. Score the mini golf. Collect paper wrappings, presents and cards. Dispense party hats, take children to the loo, all the myriad of things parents do all the time they're out with their kids at a party. The disco was a jam. Another helper came in to get the dancing happening. When I finally returned from my radio session with the help of another stalwart BFF, and five helium bobbing balloons; the five girls were casually laid back on the lounge room couch watching Jack Black in "Gulliver's Travels". It was hugely wonderful when it was all over. 10AR had a blast and loved all her presents. I'm sure the guests had a top day out also.